Mission: THONG
by Goddessofice1
Summary: Squall gets a dare to get a thong from every girl in Balamb Garden, but the dare gets completely out of control once it gets into Selphie's hands. R&R if you dare...
1. Default Chapter

I hope you enjoy my first actual chapter-fanfic!

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Victoria's Secret, Kid Rock, or Coyote Ugly ;) Nor do I own any of the Final Fantasy 8 characters, they belong to Square.

* * *

"Squall, get the hell up to my office right now," Cid stated over the intercom of Balamb Garden.

A few people nearby snickered at the fact Squall was getting his ass whooped.

Squall reluctantly made his way to the elevator and walked through the fancy doors into Cid's office.

"Squall, your new mission as a SeeD: Steal a thong from Edea the sorceress. This might be a difficult operation because she recently moved out because I merely came out and just asked her for it. She didn't take it to well. So, whaddya say?" Cid asked.

Squall stared at him dumbly and decided to take his shirt off.

"I was hot," he stated.

"I'm with ya Squall!" Cid took his shirt off.

"Erm… Well no, I won't do that mission."

"Wh-why not?!" Cid was revealing his perve side. "Fine I'll just get Irvine to do it."

Squall quickly rushed out of the room and hurried into the elevator to head downstairs.

He then met up with his usual friends, Zell, Quistis, Irvine, Selphie, and Seifer (He's part of the group now, so sue me), who were all standing outside of the infirmary.

"Hey!" Selphie said giddily.

"Hey. Cid just asked me to-"

"To go on a new mission?!" Selphie interrupted.

"…Yeah. He told-"

"He told you to assassinate the president of Mars?!" she interrupted again.

"No, Selphie."

"Then spit it out already Leonheart!" Seifer cut in.

"Yeah!" They all yelled simultaneously.

"PLEASE! Just shut up already!"

"You wanna mess?" Zell held up his fists.

"Apparently I can't talk to you right now. I'm gonna go find Rinoa so she can maybe back me up." He tried to not yell

"Sheesh, what's up his ass?" Selphie crossed her arms over her chest.

He headed for Rinoa's dorm and opened her door without knocking.

"Rin-"

"What are you doing here?!" She screamed

SLAM.

Open

"…Well I needed you to just come help me discuss something with the party!" Squall this time slammed the door in HER face.

SLAM

OPEN

"WELL IM BUSY!" She screamed back at him.

SLAM

OPEN

"WHATEVER!"

SLAM

This time, when Rinoa opened the door, her face was as red as an apple, and she screamed so loud everybody could hear her.

"THEN GET OOOUUUTTT!!!"

SLAM

"Someone's got PMS." Squall dove out into the hall scared to death.

He lay on his stomach shaking, when he looked up and saw Cid.

"Squall, I was serious when I told you to make Irvine go, now why haven't you told him yet?" Cid looked down and at Squall.

"It's a long story." Squall winced then slowly got up and hurriedly walked away.

"Well, I guess I'll just go do the mission myself!!!" he yelled over to Squall.

Squall headed for the cafeteria to get a cup of coffee or something.

When he got there, he saw all his friends huddling at a nearby table whispering to each other.

"…Squall! What a pleasant surprise!" Quistis said, loudly letting the others be aware he was standing right there.

"Let's cut the amiability. Squall, we've decided to send you on a dare." Seifer cut in.

"What? No…What are we, twelve?" Squall objected

"_You_ might _look_ like you are, but no, _we_ aren't. No twelve year old would be able to do this." Seifer looked around smiling sadistically.

"Whatever…what is it…what's the dare…?" Squall asked reluctantly.

"You need to get some more girls. And once you do, introduce them to us. So, we have decided to send you on a mission to get a single thong from every girl, 16 and up, in Balamb Garden"

"WHAT IS THE BIG DEAL WITH THONGS!" he yelled so loudly, a few people chuckled and he turned bright red. "You gotta be kidding me. Really, why is everybody obsessed with them?" he added calmly.

"We like 'em," Irvine replied smiling a pervish grin.

"Yeah, especially the Victoria's Secret frilly ones," Zell added.

"You need a thong? Well, I can help out!" Out of nowhere Xu walked through the cafeteria. She slipped off her panties and threw them to Squall.

Squall moved his arms to ring her neck, but she quickly slipped away.

She walked out of the cafeteria happily.

Squall sat down and banged his head against a table.

"Well, seeing Squall seems to be a thong magnet, you gotta get one from Rinoa too," Irvine added and started cracking up.

Squall gave him an evil look. Irvine held up his hands defensively loosing his smile.

When he saw all of his friends were nodding their heads in agreement, his face turned deeply red. He knew he wouldn't win the dare if he didn't get a thong from Rinoa.

"No. No! I'm not doing this. What's going to happen if I don't? Huh?"

"Well, we have our ideas," Zell said snickering and looking around at the friends. They all nodded their heads.

Squall squeezed his hands together in rage. Selphie started to feel bad. Squall could never pull this off…unless…Selphie quickly snuck out of the cafeteria.

"OKAY EVERYBODY!" Squall looked over to see Selphie on top of a table jumping up and down with a little karaoke machine and a little microphone.

She must have sneaked out a second ago when Squall wasn't watching.

"All gals, 16 and over… we want your thongs!" Selphie got the attention of the whole cafeteria. "_WE WANT TO SEE YOUR THONGS!!!_" She screamed again.

A few girls stared at her in disbelieve but others listened attentively.

"COME ON! Don't be shy! Here, as a volunteer…I'll take mine off…and hand it over to Squall!" She slipped hers off and swung it over her head then kicked it over to Squall who caught it in disbelief.

She jumped off the table and punched play on her Karaoke machine. It blasted "Cowboy" by Kid Rock.

"_Well I'm packing up my game and I'm a head out west  
Where real women come equipped with scripts and fake breasts  
Find a nest in the hills chill like Flint  
Buy an old drop top find a spot to pimp  
And I'm a Kid Rock it up and down your block  
With a bottle of scotch and watch lots of crotch  
Buy yacht with a flag sayin' chillin' the most  
Then rock that bitch up and down the coast  
Give a toast to the sun, drink with the stars  
Get thrown in the mix and tossed out of bars  
Sip the Tijuana...I wanna roam  
Find the old town chillin' fools then come back home  
Start an escort service, for all the right reasons  
And set up shop at the top of four seasons  
Kid Rock and I'm the Real McCoy and I'm headin' out west sucker..."_

"Because I wanna be a _COWBOY BABY_!" The whole Garden screamed.

Selphie picked out two other girls who seemed to be really getting into this and dragged them up onto the table with her.

They slipped off there thongs and threw them over to Squall.

His eyes were now popped wide open, and he was practically in shock as he realized he was starting to get covered in thongs.

Selphie jumped off the table and got a huge bucket of water from the kitchen, then poured it all over herself and the girls next to her, completely getting drenched.

She shook her hips, waved her body and shook her wet hair around like a bar-dancer at a nightclub. Her clothes clung tightly to her chest.

Quistis started laughing at the fact that it looked like Selphie had seen Coyote Ugly **way** to many times.

Squall, who was still getting covered in thongs, wanted to pommel Selphie's ass.

She looked at him and gave him a sexy yet innocent smile.

Irvine passed out on the floor because all these girls were too much for him to take.

Selphie had almost every person in Balamb Garden crowded in the cafeteria screaming and dancing. It was like a nightclub.

Selphie was having so much fun she forgot this would give her some sort of reputation.

"All girls! We need more THONGS!" she screamed again holding two thongs up in her hands.

Thongs were flying everywhere. People were throwing them every which way, some people were swinging them around their heads, and some guys were just holding them in absolute shock.

Squall had them surrounding his feet, tons on his head, on his shoulders, on his back, and some sticking to his ass, every part of him was covered, and he stood there in silence, too fumed to move.

He turned his head to Zell and Seifer and they knew Squall had won the bet. Seifer laughed torturously but gave him a well-done smile. He walked over to Squall.

"You still haven't gotten Rinoa's," Seifer whispered and laughed again viciously

Cid was desperately trying to break the party up, him and a million other Garden staff.

But thousands of students and only a limited staff couldn't even compare. He decided to give up, go back to his office, hide under his desk and suck on his thumb.

* * *

**End of chapter one**

AN:/ I myself am re-reading this story as I'm re-writing it. I wrote this almost two years ago, and to this day, I don't know what sort of things were running through my head


	2. Some more thongs, hangover, and Wicca!

Chapter two! 

Okay! 

**Chapter TWO! **

Oh yeah, btw, somebody commented on how everybody has a thong on, well, not everybody necessarily has a thong on, some could have run to their dorms and grabbed one. But the story isn't supposed to necessarily make sense ;) Humor stories are usually convenient and stupid…like for instance, this chapter, which I'm sure you will find _very _convenient, but, hey, whatever.

When Rinoa walked into the cafeteria, everything went silent. She was completely powerful. You could see waves of power pulsing off of her. As she walked through, everybody backed away from her. She looked like a dark angel. Her eyes looked red, and her hair was in flames, the fire licking her cheeks and moving around her head delicately. Anybody who touched her got thrown backwards. When she saw Selphie on the table, she picked her up with her mind and threw her into a wall. Selphie yelped out in pain and people immediately went over to help her. So that's the kind of stuff a sorceress does, interesting. Uh-oh, I think she heard me…**_RUN!_**

Quistis quickly shut off the music and nonchalantly sat in a nearby chair.

Rinoa walked closer to Squall and immediately made all the thongs surrounding him vanish. She grabbed his chin, and dug her fingernails into his skin. Blood trickled out from under her fingers. Squall shut his eyes tightly holding back a whimper of pain. 

Selphie got up again and saw Squall was in serious pain. She ran up to Rinoa and tried to pull her hair but her hand was singed.  

Everybody crowded around to see what was going on.

"Squall, what is this?" Rinoa waited for an answer.

"Ri…Rinoa," Selphie tried to say clearly put she was in serious pain. "Its not his fault. We kind-of dared him to get a thong from every girl, and I let it get out of hand. He objected it but we had consequences if he didn't do it." She looked down innocently.

"Squall…is this true?"

"Y...Yes."

"Lets go have a talk." Rinoa took hold of Squalls hand. Everybody backed away from them.

They walked to her dorm and Squall sat on her bed.

"Squall…I am in…shock!" Rinoa began "I don't know what to do, or say. Every girl in Balamb Garden…took off their thongs and threw them to you. My boyfriend: Squall Leonheart: Was covered in thongs…from hundreds of teenage girls. Should I just give you one of mine!?" Rinoa started washing the blood off of her hands.

Irvine poked his head in.

"Hey…psst…Squall, get a whole set…bra and thong!" He noticed Rinoa looking at him, so he left.

"Well, yeah," Squall replied to her.

"Hmm, okay." She opened her drawer and threw him a thrilly blue thong. "Oh, and here, I want you to also have this." She threw him a matching blue bra. 

Squall smiled, and nobody saw him again that night.

When Squall woke up, he saw Rinoa's sleeping head on his arm. Her eyes popped opened and she quickly sat up and darted her head around.

"DAMMIT!" she screamed

"What?!" Squall sat up again.

Rinoa pointed over to a dresser at the end of the bed, and there was empty beer bottles covering it, and some on the floor.

"I don't remember any of this," she cried frantically. Squall sat up partly happy, and partly not at the sight that Rinoa wasn't too thrilled. 

He got up and walked over to see how many bottles there were, and he heard Rinoa giggling. He looked down at his crotch to see he himself was wearing nothing but a blue thong that went way up his ass. He also had the matching blue bra Rinoa had given him on.

"Ugh…owww…. these things hurt!" He felt the blush rising to his cheeks. He took it off, along with the bra, grabbed his clothes and left Rinoa sitting there 

He walked into the cafeteria, thong and bra in his hand, spotted his friends and walked over to them. He held up the blue thong and bra.

"I got them." He said proudly. His friends looked over to see Squall standing there, naked, with all of his clothes in one hand, and the bra and thong in the other.

"Oh my GOD! He's NAKED!" one girl shrieked

"Squ…Squa…Squall…which one were you planning on wearing, the lovely Victories Secret set, or your oh-so-boring Squall clothes?" Selphie asked innocently, then started cracking up with laughter, and all of his other friends joined. 

Quistis sat there in shock. 

Squall was paralyzed. He wanted to run, wanted to throw up, but couldn't move. He sunk down onto the ground, and didn't know how many people were staring at his ass, or how long they were staring. 

Squall could have sworn he fell asleep on the floor, but it was only two seconds later when he felt a foot kicking him.

"Get up…GET UP SQUALL!" Quistis said through clenched teeth. "I don't really care how bad your hangover is! Just get up, nobody is watch-"

"Okay! Shut the hell up already!" Squall interrupted. Quistis looked at him frigidly and just walked away without any care anymore. Squall's clothes covered his waist down so he wasn't exposed. He looked around for a place to change, and then realized the cafeteria's doors were closed, so he quickly got dressed right there.

He looked around and the cafeteria was clean again. No more thongs or water puddles. 

Squalls head pounded, he felt like shit. He felt like he was going to throw up. 

He walked out of the cafeteria and went to his dorm, then puked his brains out. Then, he slept the rest of the day. 

At about 7 o' clock he woke up and showered, getting all the mess off of him. He turned his computer on (Yeah, so he has a computer now). The words "Squall" appeared. He looked around and made sure he wasn't getting tricked.

"The Matrix is here for you, Squall," it typed out slowly

"Wh…what the hell?" He tried to hit the off button.

"Follow the white rabbit."  The words appeared.

"…." He stared in wonder.

"Knock knock, Squall."

"HUH!?" He sat up on his bed quickly. It was just a weird dream. He dreamt he was Neo from The Matrix or something. He definitely watched that movie too much…

Out of nowhere he heard a knock on the door.

Selphie entered Squall's room in her usual yellow summer dress and tan boots.

"We are all going to the Quad. We have a plan of some-sort. Come on. Rinoa has as bad of a hangover as you, and she's coming…don't want her thinking you're a wimp eh? Come one." Selphie motioned him out of the door. Squall focused on her shoulder and could have sworn he saw a white rabbit looking back at him, but he was wrong. 

Squall followed Selphie to the Quad, and they met up with all of the friends. Rinoa sat on a bench rubbing her temples and looked miserable. 

"Okay! I thought it would be fun to do something new! Bum bum bum… WICCA!" Selphie jumped up and down and told the group all about Wicca.

"Some of you might not know I practice Wicca…but it really isn't that big of a deal. It's almost just a normal religion. Now, listen up." 

She took a piece of chalk out from the bag that she brought. She drew a circle on the pavement, with one opened side. 

They all stepped into the circle's opened side, and then Selphie closed the circle.

"With this salt, I purify this circle," she began and sprinkled salt around the circle.  She placed a small bowl on the circle. 

"Placing this bowl here signifies one of the four elements: Earth. It is feminine and nourishing." 

She then got a stick of incense. "This incense symbolizes air, another of the four elements. Air is for the mind, the intellect, communication." 

She set up a cream colored candle and lit it. "Fire, the third element. Fire is for transformation, success, and passion. A strong element."

She put a brass bowl filled with water on the circle. "Water is the last of the four elements. It is for emotion, love, healing, and beauty. Each element corresponds to astrological signs, but I wont get into that. Now, join hands"

They all joined hands.

"Close your eyes, focus, every worry fades, no past, future, no Zell picking at his underwear. Only now, us. We are doing a purifying and focusing ritual." They moved slowly in a clockwise direction 

"Water clean us,

Air purify us,

Fire make us whole and pure,

Earth, center us," Selphie said and they all repeated. 

Seifer looked annoyed, Rinoa was concentrating, Squall didn't seem to know what was going on, Zell was trying to look cool, Quistis looked self-conscious, Irvine was staring at Selphie, and Selphie looked relaxed like they were supposed to be.

"Blessed be mother of all things

The Goddess of life

Thanks be for all we have

Thanks for our new lives

Blessed be."

Everybody now looked more comfortable, calm. Selphie smiled proudly knowing her first circle had worked in helping them.

"Selphie, what the hell was that all about?" Seifer asked annoyed.  

"That was hot," Irvine stated

"I liked it," Rinoa added

"I'm hungry," Zell rubbed his stomach. 

"….." And I'm sure we all know whom that came from.

**End of Chapter 2!**

YAY! My second chapter finished. I hope you all liked it! As you can see, all of the characters were doing Wicca. Sorry if it weirded anybody out, but I thought it was a fun touch! Next chapter is coming soon! Please REVIEW! 


	3. Guess what, its Lingerie night!

Alrighty! …I have been so busy! K, here is Chapter 3

* * *

Rinoa grabbed Zell's wrist, and read his watch.

"Its 1:30 am. Do you wanna go to the Secret Area?" Rinoa asked them all.

They all shrugged.

When they got there, they just sat down in a circle.

"Heeey, do you wanna do a Séance?" Selphie suggested

"Hm, sounds good," Irvine replied. They all seemed up for it.

"Okay…I tried one of these with my friends at Trabia Garden once, but a few of them were high, and the others were just extremely drunk. I was sober though! So don't worry…I so don't do drugs! Anyway, and the other one I tried when I was little, we all got scared, blah blah blah. So this is basically my first actual Séance! So I'm not clear on what to do, but I'm sure one of you has done this before…"

"I saw this in a movie once," Zell proudly stated

"Eh, the chicken wuss has never done a Séance before, what a surprise." Seifer rolled his eyes.

"SHUT-UP! DAMN ASSHOLE! Now, as I was saying, you make sure you are in a silent place, where the spirits can hear you."

Squall rolled his eyes. This was so stupid.

"You can get a big pillar or something and set it in the middle of your circle. If the spirit wishes to come in contact with you, it can move the pillar." He grabbed a 3-foot pole that was able to stand up, and set it in the middle. "One person can keep an eye on this, and another person…" He looked in a pile of junk, and pulled out a few pieces of paper, and took a pen out of his pocket (How CONVENIANT!). "And another person is in charge of this." Seifer yanked the paper and pen from Zell's grasp.

"Oh yeah! I saw this movie! Are you thinking of "The Changeling" and "The Others?" Selphie bounced up and down.

"Yeah! I love those movies!" Zell stated.

"I'm gonna take over from here…cause I saw the movies too! Okay, now, the person with the paper closes their eyes, and if the spirit wishes to, it can use Seifer's hand to write down its thoughts!"

"Like Joseph Carmichael!" Zell said excitedly.

"Zell, lets not get into that. Now, lets start, you all know what your doing? Okay, I will keep on eye on the pillar, Seifer is in charge of the paper, and the rest of you, just close your eyes and concentrate." She looked around.

Selphie cleared her throught self-consciously. "Spirits come to us. Any spirit who needs to communication, any spirit who needs help, we can help you," Selphie giggled at her own words.

Seifer had his eyes closed and started twitching his hand all over the paper. When it was full of scribbles, Irvine gave him a new piece of paper.

His hand was now twitching violently, and he started writing something very slowly.

"SPIRITS! Are you in need of help? Are you STUCK?!" Selphie said louder moving her body in circles.

Seifer's hand started to form a T…and then slowly an H, then O, N, G. Nobody could make out what he was writing, until he started writing it all over the paper. It was getting covered in the word THONG. Seifer acted like he was possessed.

"WHA?!" Selphie grabbed the paper from Seifer. "Squ…Squall, the spirit is trying to communicate with you…" Selphie handed him the paper on the verge of laughter. Squall took the paper, and stared at it.

THONG

Thong

ThONG

thong

THONG

thonG

thoNG

thONG

tHONG

THONG

Seifer cracked up with laughter, along with Irvine and Selphie. Rinoa and Quistis looked partly amused, but Squalls blood boiled. He wanted to pommel Seifer.

"Damn piece of shit," Zell cursed at him under his breath.

Seifer looked at Zell viciously

At the sight of Squalls embarrassment they all laughed.

"Okay, okay, it seems to me we are all too wound up to do a séance." Selphie laughed some more. "Lets just go back to our dorms and get some rest. I have something else planned for tomorrow, and we all want to be ready for it!"

"Whatever," Squall mumbled furiously and left them all sitting there. He headed back for his dorm. He NEVER wanted to hear or see the word thong again.

When he got to his dorm, there was a note tacked to his door.

It said:

_Dear Squall,_

_ I finally succeeded in my mission of getting a thong from Edea. I wanted you to understand I got it without you to facilitate the process. So PUH! But I still have one question remaining, how do girls wear these freaking things!?_

_ With all due respect,_

Headmaster Cid.

Squall shredded the note and slammed his door. He slammed his head against the wall. He obviously hadn't heard the word thong enough as it was.

A few hours later at almost 4 in the morning, he heard Irvine in the hall.

"Squall," he slurred. He was drunk to the extreme. "I need your help!" He banged his head against the door instead of knocking like a normal person. "I...I...I I I...I cant get these psycho bitches off me!"

Squall opened the door, and Irvine stood with his tan jacket unbuttoned and no shirt underneath. He had two half dressed girls hanging off his arms. They looked as drunk as he was.

Squalls expression stayed the same when he opened the door, a, get-the-hell-out-of-my-doorway-you-jackass, expression.

He wobbled past Squall and over to his bed. He fell over onto it, and the girls toppled over with him.

"IRVINE! Get off my bed! That's just gross!" Obviously Irvine wasn't going to listen, so Squall just left his room.

He headed for Rinoa's room, hoping he could just hang out with her for a few hours, or at least until Irvine left his room.

He knocked on Rinoa's door, and Rinoa opened it.

"Hey, um, Squall, it's not such a good time," she said, and Squall could see Selphie and Quistis sitting on Rinoa's bed. It looked like they were having a conversation, and he could have sworn he heard his name. Rinoa just closed the door and left Squall alone in the hall, once again.

Squall didn't really want to go to Seifer's room, so he had no choice but to just go to Zells, even though he didn't know how he would be able to stand Zells existence in the morning.

"S'up Squall!" Zell opened the door.

"….."

"What are you doing man…?!"

"……"

"Are you drunk?"

"……"

"Well…? Dude, y'kno-"

"Can I just 'hang out' here for a while?"

"Dude! Yeah, I'm just punchin' a few." Zell walked over to his big punching bag and started beating it. Apparently nobody slept at 4 in the morning. Squall lie down on his bed and fell asleep.

"Aww! Isn't that cute!? He's just…(Pause for dramatic effect)…so cute when he's sleeping." Rinoa stroked his hair and giggled.

"Come on Quisty! Just do it!" Selphie whispered loudly.

"I cannot believe I'm doing this! Nor can I believe I used to be an instructor!" Quistis dangled a red thong from her hand, and tucked it into Squalls jacket pocket.

"Seeee…that wasn't so bad! Now you aren't the only girl who didn't gave a thong to Squall Leonhart!" Selphie bounced up and down. They walked towards the door, and gave Zell permission to go back in his room.

"Dude…DUDE!" Zell tried to wakeup Squall. Squall fluttered his eyes open, then remembered he was in Zell's room. Zell had just boxers on, and it was now daylight out. He quickly got up and left, and almost fell over a bed of covers on the floor. Zell must have slept on the floor.

When he got into his room, he heard Irvine throwing up in his bathroom.

"Done…?" Squall asked, and slightly embarrassed, Irvine left his room. The two girls must have left earlier in the morning to throw up in their own bathrooms.

Squall UN-zipped his jacket, but then noticed a red thong hanging out of his pocket.

"DAMMMMMIIIITTTT!!!" he screamed, he opened his door, and then slammed it shut deafeningly.

"PPsst, Squall!" Selphie tapped Squall's face.

"Wha-ha-haaat…!!!??? I was asleep!" Squall was whining.

"Well, then, maybe you should learn to lock your door," she giggled.

It was times like these Selphie was just plain annoying.

"Did you know…we are going to a nightclub tonight!? Well, you know, its actually a 21 and over bar place with dancers, and dancing! But Rinoa has connections, so we can get in easily!" She excitedly bounced up and down. She happily skipped out, leaving it on Squalls mind for the next 7 hours. He slammed his head back into his pillow.

(Damn them! They are all out to get me, or something. If I didn't just get showered and dressed, they would all charge into my room whining about how fun it will be, so on, so on. Fine! I will go! But this was it. I will tell them how much they are bugging me. Can't they see I just want to be alone? Apparently not.)

About 7 hours later he sat on his bed waiting for Selphie to pop in.

"Okay! Its PAAH-TAY TIME!" Selphie galloped in and yelled.

The bars name was Bang Planets Swingers Club: Bar and Dance

Great. What a shitty name for a shitty place. Squall miserably followed his excited friends to the door. There was a sign, it read:

"Lingerie Night! All girls take of what you got!"

Squalls blood boiled. They brought him here on purpose.

"ID?" A huge bouncer stood at the door with his arms crossed.

(Perfect. Now we are all going to be busted. They are real smart, bringing us to a place like this.)

"I'm Rinoa Heartilly. We have permission to be here." She didn't wait for a reply. She just walked in.

Squall looked at the bar-top, and he just froze. There were 4 girls walking around on the bar with sluty clothes. They were all gorgeous and teased any guy that was in there reach. They danced sexily. There were huge buckets over their heads, and when they pulled a string the water poured all over them. Kind-of like Selphie. Had she been here before?

Selphie and Rinoa started grinding. They swung their hips together, and rubbed their stomachs together. They put their hands on each other's hips. Squall stared at them in shock.

"Think I'm going lesbian on you Squall? Well, it's called grinding. We are out of Garden, and can do anything we want. Live a little…y'know?" Rinoa told put her hand on his cheek.

He turned his head away to the girls on the bar-tops who started to slide of their panties out from under their short skirts. Squall went stiff, and seconds later Irvine was practically on the floor.

"As you all know…IT'S LINGERIE NIGHT!" one of the girls said into a microphone. She motioned for the stereo to change its song. It was Baby Got Back, by Sir-Mix-allot

_"Oh my god_

_Becky, look at her buttIt is soo big_

_She looks like one of those rap guys girlfriends_

_Who understands those rap guysThey only talk to her because she looks like a total prostituteI_

_ mean her butt_

_It's just so big_

_I can't believe it's so roundIt's just out thereI mean, _

_it's__ gross_

_Look, she's just so black_

_I like big butts and I cannot lie_

_You other brothers can't deny"_

There was now flying thongs everywhere. Squall had a flashback of the thongs flying around in Balamb Garden; well, history seemed to be repeating itself. "WAHOO!" Selphie jumped up and down. Rinoa grabbed hold of Squall and pulled him close, then started swinging her body against his. Yeah, this was grinding. They pulled close together, and swung their waists in small circles. Squall held Rinoa's lower back, and Rinoa slid her hands under Squall's shirt. Irvine and Selphie did the same until they seemed to disappear into a corner somewhere. Quistis and Seifer just leaned against the walls shyly, and Zell stood at the bar ordering beer after beer after beer. It wasn't long until Zell was up on the bar, on his knees, having 4 girls pour water all over him. He rocked his head around and even managed to catch a few flying thongs. Squall and Rinoa really started getting into each other, and Irvine and Selphie came back both looking flushed. They all had a few drinks; in fact, Squall started enjoying catching a few thongs here and there.

They all walked out of the bar red-faced and laughing. "That was…the most exhilarating experience…of my life!" Zell slurred. "Selphie, your amazing," Irvine said "Squall…you wanna come back to my dorm?" Rinoa asked. Squall looked up for it. "Oh, yeah, Selphie, we could maybe do the same…" Irvine asked Selphie.

When they got back to Balamb Garden, Rinoa and Squall, and Irvine and Selphie resumed with their plans, leaving a drunk Zell, tired Quistis, and poor lonely Seifer.

**End of Chapter 3:**

A/N: WAHOO! K, I finally finished this chapter. If I make it any longer it might take longer to get online, so that's why it's not too-too long. Please REVIEW it! I hope you liked it, stay tuned for chapter 4!


	4. What next? A makeout contest? Yup, you g...

Here is chapter 4!

The next morning Squall woke up to a dresser covered with his clothes and Rinoa's clothes tossed on the floor.

"Mmm, good morning." Rinoa leaned over and kissed Squall on the cheek. Squall contently sat there.

"Oh my God!" Selphie leaped into Rinoa's room and dove onto Squalls lap. She locked her arms around his neck, and fluttered her eyelashes at him, then rolled onto the floor looking up at Rinoa.

"Irvine, oh wow, we…we…DID IT! You know, for lack of a better word. Tee-hee!" She put her hand over her mouth. Selphie looked at Rinoa and Squall. "I'm not the only one…" She giggled at the sight of the embarrassed couple.

Rinoa got up and delicately stretched her arms. Her black hair swung into her eyes, and she shoved it back with her hands. She was luckily in a decent set of clothing. Y'know, if your into the whole bra and panties with a see-through nightgown over it. But, I'm not a guy, and don't know how decent that is. I would much rather see Squall and Seifer running around naked. Sheesh. I'm getting off subject. So sorry. Back to the story.

"Um, Selphie, you didn't walk out on Irvine did you? You can't just leave!" Rinoa exclaimed about to laugh.

"He isn't awake yet, but your right. I better go back. Plus, I have oodles of studying to catch up with. Ciao!" She ran out and shut the door.

"Rinoa,"

She looked over at him, her eyes sparkling, her black hair shimmering in the sun. She tilted her head, and her hair delicately rested on her shoulders.

She walked over to him and poured herself over his lap, clasping her arms around his neck. She buried her face into his neck, his hair falling over her neck.

"Rinoa, I'm-"

"If you were going to say you were in love with me, well I am so in love with you too."

It wasn't exactly what he was going to say. He was just going to let her know he was going to get dressed and suggest going to breakfast.

Rinoa and Squall walked out of the dorm hand in hand. They headed for the cafeteria and found Selphie and Irvine at a table, and they just kind-of stared at each other, about to eat each other's faces or something. Quistis sat reading a book, and Seifer sat next to her. Zell was doing what he did best, eating.

"Eh caffaeara haw wreat ood." Zell spewed bits of food everywhere. They all winced at him.

"Squall, I want to be alone, with just you." She took his hand and they headed for the Quad. When they got there, she pushed Squall onto a bench, and sat on his lap. She straddled both legs over each side of his knees. She kissed him deeply, soothing her hands through his hair. He slid his hands under her shirt and rubbed her smooth skin. (Her back, I repeat her BACK!)

"I have this dream, like my other one, except its different. You're with Selphie, she's on the table in the cafeteria, and you have thousands of thongs covering you, topped off with thousands of sluty girls. So many, that when I call you, you can't hear. You can't hear my screams. I want to taste your lips, hear your voice, but you can't hear me because of those damn thongs!" She looked as if she was about to cry.

"It was just a dream…"

"But I don't like it. It upsets me."

"Thongs upset me. Very much." He smirked at her.

Seifer's boots crunched across the pavement.

"Squall, Irvine challenges you to a makeout competition," he said dully. Yeah right. Rinoa would never, and neither would he.

"Your on!" Rinoa said.

"What the f-"

SQUALL! Watch your mouth! So sorry, he needs to learn his manners. Let's proceed to the next scene, shall we? Ahem, so sorry.

Selphie and Irvine sat on a bench, and across from them Rinoa and Squall sat on a bench.

"On my count, you start. Whoever stops first, looses. Now, 1…2…"

"3!!!" Irvine finished for Zell. And they were off.

Let me narrow down the details. Irvine shoves tongue down Selphie's throat, she can't breathe, she has to stop, they loose.

"WINNERS!" Zell holds up Squall and Rinoas hands. "Good, good. Now Squall," Zell walked over to a small room, and motioned somebody in. "Your prize…"

Nearly 50 gorgeous girls walked in, all giggling.

"50 GIRLS?!" Squall yelled annoyed.

"No, 50 thongs. Ladies?" Zell motioned them to take of their thongs.

"No way! NAH! NO!" Squall yelled.

"I'll take them!" Irvine yelled, but Selphie hit his shoulder.

Needless to say, Irvine didn't get any thongs. But guess who did…!?

"WHAT AM I GONNA DO WITH THESE!" Squall screamed and dropped the thongs onto his floor.

"Dude, do you know how much work I put in to get these things?"

"Zell, you know way better than this. You know I wouldn't ever dream of this!"

"This bites. Why did we have to win?" Rinoa asked.

Selphie galloped in, bent down and looked at the thongs.

"Whoa! That's a lot of thongs!" Selphie stated the obvious.

"I need help getting rid of them…" Squall said miserably.

"Hmm, I have an idea…" Selphie stated.

Shit. Selphie has an idea.

Selphie walked into the cafeteria with her karaoke machine, and microphone. She got up onto a table.

"HEEEEY! Go get your friends! Tell your friends to get their friends, then tell them to get their friends!"

A few people actually left to get their friends. When the cafeteria was completely full of loud teens, Selphie started.

"We here, have fifty lovely thongs!" She held up two thongs, and then punched on her karaoke machine.

It was Get Busy, by Sean Paul (I hate Sean Paul, bleh, that's why I love lyrics.com to give me the lyrics.)

_"Shake that thing Miss Kana Kana_

_Shake that thing Miss Annabell_

_aShake__ that thing yah Donna Donna_

_Jodi and Rebecca Woman _

_Get busy, Just shake that booty non-stop_

_When the beat dropJust keep swinging it_

_Get jigg_

_yGet__ crunked u_

_pPercolate__ anything you want to call it_

_Oscillate you hip and don't take pit_

_yMe__ want fi see you get live 'pon the riddim weh me ride_

_And me lyrics a provide electricityGal nobody can tell you nuttin'_

_Can you done know your destiny _

_Yaw sexy ladies want par with us_

_In a the car with usThem nah war with us_

_In a the club them want flex with usTo get next to us_

_Them cah vex with usFrom the day me born jah ignite me flame gal a call me name and its me fam_

_eIt's__ all good girl turn me on_

_'Til a early morn'_

_Let's get it on_

_Let's get it on 'til a early morn'_

_Girl it's all good just turn me on"_

"The bidding for these thongs, starts at, 15 dollars!" Selphie yelled.

"SIXTEEN DOLLARS!" one guy yelled instantly.

"TWENTY!"

"TWENTY FIVE!"

"THIRTY!"

She got down and slid her hands over some guy's chest, then grabbed another guy, and ruffled her hands in his hair.

"FORTY!" another yelled

"Ooh, getting goood!" Selphie yelled, she was now back up on the table with her microphone.

Squall walked into the room slowly, Rinoa barging passed him.

"Rin, care to join?" Selphie asked Rinoa. Before she could answer, she was getting pulled up onto the table. Rinoa stood there, staring blankly out into the endless crowd of wild teens.

"FORTY-FIVE!"

"FIFTY!"

"How about, for 10 dollars, we get Rinoa here, to slide off her thong and add it to the pile…? Any takers?"

Many guys cheered.

"It feels like something's heating up!" Selphie exaggeratedly fanned herself with her hand. Rinoa looked at Selphie like there-is-no-way-in-hell-I'm-taking-off-my-panties!!! Selphie punched on a new song on her stereo. It was a hip-hop crap song by Justin Timberlake called "Senorita"

"Okay, along with the song, the guys say 'It feels like something's heatin' up, can I leave with you?' And the ladies say 'I don't know what I'm thinking 'bout, gonna leave with you'. Got it!?" Selphie jumped up and down. "…2…3!!!"

"It feels like something's heatin' up, can I leave with you?"

"I don't know what I'm thinking bout, gonna leave with you!"

So on, so forth. They all danced and sang until somebody finally yelled the highest bid.

"ONE-HUNDRED DOLLARS!!!"

"Sold!!! To…HEADMEASTER CID???!!!" Selphie looked at him blankly. He excitedly grabbed the thongs and galloped out.

"Okay, okay, this isn't fair, how come we don't get any men's articles of clothing…?!" Rinoa said finally in movement.

"YEAH?!" A few girls looked around madly.

Selphie looked around evilly. "Mwahaha…MEN OFF WITH THE SHIRTS!" Selphie yelled. The few guys that were standing there obediently just took off their shirts. Selphie motioned them up onto the table, and they both took hold of her hips. They sandwiched her, and they all swung their hips together. A few seconds later she got off the table and ripped open Irvine's shirt, and even tried to rip off Seifer's shirt. He pushed her away and went to sit in a corner and just look around evilly. Somebody HAD to get him drunk.

**End Chapter 4**

** A/N:** YES FINALLY EDITED MY MISTAKES! I have been soo busy, if I could swim in notes and homework, then I would drown. Okay, what I just said was weird. Anyway, hope you liked it. My chapters are short because if they are long, it will take longer to get them online, I think you get the point. __


	5. A two minute trip and French dialogue

Here is chapter 5!

I would like to thank all my wonderful reviewers! Your reviews mean a lot!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"KEG KEG KEG KEG!"A pack of guys ran into the cafeteria with a huge keg.

"Bingo," Selphie mumbled under her breath. "Mission: Get Seifer drunk." 

Putting her plan into action, she ran over to Irvine. 

"We need to get Seifer drunk, he needs to loosen up, live a little."

"Funny, I was thinking we need to get Quistis drunk," Irvine replied.

"Heeey, lets get 'em both drunk!"

Selphie casually poured herself a cup of beer from the keg. She gave the cup to Seifer. He yanked the cup from her and gulped it down. Selphie grabbed his cup and refilled it. She repeated this about 15 times. Irvine had a tuff time with Quistis, he had to convince her the beer was harmless for about a half hour.

"Here, have some, we are all having some, loosen up, live a little…JUST DRINK THE DAMN BEER!" He forced the cup into her hand. She sipped it a little bit, and after a few cups, she was gulping it. 

Selphie saw that Seifer was totally drunk, so she pulled him onto the table and ripped his shirt off. She poured more beer into his mouth. He got into it, then grabbed Quistis, who was now trying to take off her shirt, (Selphie stopped her), and pinned her into a corner.

"Quistis…your ho-o-ot you know thaaat?" He was slurring. He then started making out with Quistis.

Rinoa was now in the middle of a crowd of wild shirtless guys. Squall had to dive in just to get her out.

Selphie was now back on the table encouraging all the guys to take off their shirts. Shirts flew everywhere, girls were all over guys, Seifer was all over Quistis, Rinoa and Squall disappeared and were probably doing "stuff", what more can I say about this party?

Unfortunately, Cid HAD to walk in, and HAD to take off his shirt and swing it around his head, putting everybody into shock. He looked around realizing he wasn't much of an amusement, so he left to go play with his new thongs.

Selphie stopped the music and said it was enough for that day. The students rained out of the cafeteria.

"That was so fun!" Selphie jumped up and down.

"Where did Squall and Rinoa go?" The group looked around and spotted the two running down the hall.

"We got a great idea." Squall said breathlessly. 

"We made reservations for hotel rooms in…LAS VEGAS!" Rinoa panted excitedly. The keg must have gotten to her. 

"Oh my GOD!" Selphie yelled louder this time. "CHIPENDALES!!!"

"Screw that…" Quistis laughed at her own words. "How about those hot tiger guys?!" She could barely stand up anymore.

"Um, that might be a little hard…considering the fact THEY AREN'T PERFORMING ANYMORE!" Selphie laughed, and gave herself a note to remember. Never get Quistis drunk again.

"We are leaving tomorrow, we are staying in Treasure Island, it is a huge hotel and there is even a pirate show and stuff!" Rinoa jumped up and down. They all looked at each other, then ran to their rooms to pack.

The next day, they boarded the plane.

Hours later, they arrived in Las Vegas. They did all the crap with the airport, then went to rent a car. They ended up with a huge mini-van. Pretty.

The hotel was amazing. It was huge. They all walked through the casinos excitedly.

They went to their rooms and threw themselves onto the beds.

"Wow…this is the life," Rinoa said.

"Sure is, well, better go. Come on." He motioned them all out of the room.

"Where are we going?" Selphie bounced excitedly.

"We are leaving, COME ON," Squall emphasized.

They checked out of the hotel, returned their car, took a bus to the airport, and went back home. That's what you get for making a day ahead reservation.

Selphie ran through Balamb Garden with her hands spread apart, grasping the wind that seeped through her fingers. She twirled and cartwheeled, even did a back-handspring. A few people were looking at her in awe and others just looked at her. She started walking normally, and a few people followed.

"Hey, when is our next party," a guy with a pierced nose came up to her and asked.

"Yeah, do we get more thongs?" His friends came up alongside him.

"Yeah, why don't we do it again now?"

"Yeah, we know your keen on it."

"Yeah!" They all yelled together.

"Umm, well, now isn't the best time…" She quickly sauntered away.

"He-e-e-y, come on Selph, let's go!" One guy put his arm around her shoulder. She shrugged it off. Before she knew it, people surrounded her. A strong guy came up to her and picked her up. He threw her on his shoulder, and soon she was being passed on her back by hundreds of hands. 

"PARTY! PARTY! PARTY!"

"NO! PUT ME DOWN! HEY! ASSESS! PUT ME DOWN!" She pounded on their shoulders and screamed. She kicked her legs and knocked out a few people. She jumped down and twirled out of the crowd. "_Vous savez, je ne suis pas une marionette!_" She quickly walked away hoping to find Irvine or Squall, but she didn't. She just found another crowd of people wanting a party. 

She dropped down on her stomach and slid under their feet. The crowd was still trying to surround her. She darted around a corner and slammed into Squall. She smiled at him cutely, and then pushed him in front of her. He walked out and the crowd spotted him. She held onto his jacket, hiding from the barbarians. 

"What are you doing? Oh, hey guys. Whatsup!?" He slammed high fives with a few guys who were standing there.

"Squall, my man! How's it been?"

"Good man, good. Hey, dude, what's going on?"

"We want a party!" 

Squall turned around and looked at Selphie. She nodded.

"Oh, okay. Selphie, that was extremely rude. They want a party, and you turn behind their backs and don't give them one! I can't even believe you. Get out of my sight." Squall dissolved into the crowd and started "chillen" with his "dudes"

She quickly walked away in disbelief, hoping nobody would catch her.

"Rinoa?" Selphie peaked her head into her room.

"We want a party. Why? Why are you not giving it to us?"

"QUISTIS? IRVINE? Any normal person around?" Selphie darted out of Rinoa's room.

She spotted Quistis out in the corridor. She was…yelling for a party? 

"HAVE YOU ALL GONE INSANE?!" Selphie quickly ran out of the corridor and into her dorm. She slammed the door shut. She lay down on her bed and closed her eyes. People pounded on her door.

"You want a PARTY!?" She quickly got up and opened her door. "_Alors je vous donnerai a PARTY!_" She opened up her dresser and the door with all of her thongs in it. She grabbed them all, and then threw them outside. She slammed the door. On the other side, she could hear the wild animals cheering.

End chapter 5 

**A/N**: Man, this story is getting hard to write. How much more can I write about thongs? Not much…:) Anyway, read and review! The more reviews I get, the more encouraging it is for me to keep writing chapters! Thanks for reading Ch. 5! Ugh, great, now I sound like a T.V spokesperson. 

Btw, sorry about the _French dialogue_, but I was bored, and wanted to add strange stuff into this story. Why? Because I guess I'm just strange.


	6. Thongs for kids! Beware of dumbness!

Here is chapter six, took me a while to get an idea, but, thanks to the wonderful help of my good friend Jennie, I decided to put in the idea of…well, you'll see.

Selphie galloped into her room, where the rest of the gang was sitting.

"What are we gonna watch?" Rinoa asked cheerfully.

"Willy…W-Wonka…" Quistis said, shivering.

"Yay! I like- Selphie…What's wrong…?" Rinoa looked at Selphie to see her struggling to put the tape in the VCR. Selphie yelped out.

"I-I can't do it! This movie is just too scary!"

"Just put the tape in!" Squall interrupted.

"What's so scary about thi-" Rinoa started

"Shh! The oompa-loompa's will hear you…!" Quistis put her shaking finger to her lips, daring Rinoa to say another word.

Later into the movie, when the green-haired orange faced fellas came onto the screen, Quistis shivered and hid her face, Zell started running around as if Mars was attacking, Irvine started checking one of them out, Selphie started to cry and hid under the covers, Rinoa held the phone in her hand dialing the number of a mental institution, and Seifer attacked the television. 

Selphie walked slowly through the halls of her favorite place, the mall. It was a good source of "anti-oompa-loompa." She entered a nearby children store, where some of the cute outfits fit her.

"I don't want normal underwear MOMMY!" a little girl pouted nearby, stomping her foot with all her might.

"FINE! Fine! You'll just have to go without underwear for the rest of your life! What a waist of time. Tsk tsk." She grabbed the girl and headed for a Victoria's Secret across the hall. Selphie followed, remembering she had no more decent underwear herself. She threw it all out into the hall; it was now in the possession of useless teenage guys. 

"WHOOAAA! Mommy! I want _this_ one!" The same little girl held up a frilly blue thong in her hands.

"Sweetie, shh, no, this is a mommy shop." The mother turned red, smiling at the people nearby.

The little girl picked up a red bra.

"What about thii-"

"NO!" she took the bra and out it back onto the rack. She quickly walked out in embarrassment. 

Selphie felt a light bulb click on in her head.

"I have an idea!" She galloped out.

Shit. Selphie has an idea.

"Guys-guys-guys-guys-guuuuyyyyss-aaaa!" Selphie slammed her foot against the ground. "We are gonna start our own clothing line!" She bounced like a ball.

"What?!" Quistis demanded

"How?" Rinoa asked

"Damn," Irvine stated

"No," Seifer bluntly added

"….." Squall shared with the rest of the group his opinion.

"Tch, hey, what the hell?" Zell asked

"….."

"What kind of clothing line?" Rinoa interrupted

"A THONG clothing line! For…for kids!!!"

"Yeah! Right!" Quistis giggled. 

"How could kids wear thongs? It hurts enough for guys, I mean; kids wouldn't be able to stand the things either!" Squall started.

"Um, Squall, how do YOU know what a thong feels like?" Selphie asked with growing apprehension.

Rinoa covered her face and Squall turned bright red. 

They all sat in Selphie's room, building a stand, similar to a lemonade stand. Quistis and Rinoa worked on making a sign that read: _"Children's thongs! Five dollars only!"_

The stand got setup next to a Victoria's Secret in the mall, the sign dangling off of it. Selphie stood next to it, jumping up and down, excited for her first costumer. 

A few teens walked by, giggling, a few more traumatized. Then a potential costumer and her mom walked by.

"Hey mommy what's this?" A red faced five year old dangled a thong in her hand.

"Are these thongs, miss?" The mother asked Selphie.

"Yes. Especially for children."

"What Kind-of business do you think you're running here!? My daughter WILL NOT be wearing a thong, thank you VERY MUCH!" She grabbed the girl, dragging her on her butt, leaving the mall.

Just multiply that one scene by forty-eight, and you will get the highlight of Selphie's day. Not one person bought a thong, except a munchkin from _"The Wizard of Oz"_

Selphie got kicked out of the mall for trying to start up her own shop.

"It's alright Selph, it's not that big of a deal you know," Rinoa said comforting Selphie.

"Yeah, they were all unworthy of buying anything from you anyway," Quistis coaxed

"They sucked," Zell said firmly

They all agreed. Finally, Selphie spoke up.

"Well, I guess I'll just have to send them to the Salvation Army. Poor kids will be willing to wear them there! Those people had a great bargain in front of them, and they didn't even take that wonderful opportunity." She crossed her arms over, shaking her head in disbelief.

And as she said, she sent them to the Salvation Army.

A few months later, the gang tuned in for some classic T.V watching.

"_Here we are today, in Africa, with all of our poor unfortunate children. We have made an amazing discovery. A very generous donation was sent in from the town of Balamb a few months ago. We just received it recently." _ The camera zoomed in on all the busy little girls running around, naked, except for single thongs strapped around their waists, especially made for children by Selphie Tilmett.

"Heeey! I'm famous!" Selphie yelled.

"I'm bored," Selphie said, staring at a feather, blowing it in front of her face, in the cafeteria. People sat around her, with growing anticipation to see if she would get on the table and start dancing. She ran out of the cafeteria, and into her dorm. She grabbed her karaoke machine and microphone, and then ran back into the cafeteria.

She had something extra special planned this time.

She pushed through the crowd and crawled onto the table.

"Okay everybody! Today, we want your-"

**To be continued**

**A/n: **Well this chapter consisted of me, staring at my computer screen for two hours, trying to think of ideas! I finally got this chapter finished. Yes, I'm sure it was one of the dumbest and shortest chapters yet, but, oh well. Please review! It would mean a lot… J


	7. Poetry and tomatoes

Chapter 7 

"Okay everybody! Today, we want your-"

A girl with brown hair that was pulled up into a ponytail stumbled to the front of the crowd

"Want our WHAT! Our what!? What is it!?" the girl asked excitedly.

"Jennie, shh, we have to wait for her to think." A cute ( ** )** )girl with auburn hair came behind her and pulled her back.

"I refuse to STAY BACK! Kt, if you don't let go of me, I'll draw on your face!" Jennie said, whipping out a purple pen. Kt stepped away from her, about to run.

"We want your-"

"CONDOMS!?" Jennie yelled. She now started running around like a maniac, drawing on everybody in her path. She drew a distorted looking stick figure on some guy's hand and named it Cynthia. "Look! An African person. They're calling meeee!" Jennie ran out of the cafeteria.

"We want your-"

"JENNIE! THERE IS NO AFRICAN!" The Kt girl ran out after her, once again, interrupting Selphie.

"AHH! FORGET IT!" Selphie threw her microphone down in defeat and ran out of the cafeteria. Needless to say, the crowd of Selphie fans weren't too happy with Kt. Poor little thing was rushed to the hospital by the time they were done with her. Oh yeah, and Jennie was rushed to a mental institution.

Seifer walked slowly up to the table with a sly smile on his face.

"HEY EVERYBODY!"

The disappointed fans turned their heads around to see Seifer on the table with a microphone.

_"No more Selphie,_

_It's now me_

_Isnt it wonderful?_

_Suteki Da Ne._

_No more thongs_

_They were getting quite boring_

_I would rather be stuck in an office,_

_When outside was pouring._

_But be quiet! – Don't tell!_

_Selphie would kill us; we'd all go to hell._

_That goddamned microphone was bound to be put down._

_And now it's gone, off into the abyss, no longer making a sound._

_Thongs flew here, thongs flew there,_

_Why not just have an f'in' party? No thongs in the air._

_No water or sluty girls_

_No more thongs with frills and curls_

_Just your friendly neighborhood Seifer, ready for action_

_I take out Selphie, ten more stars by attraction_

_So don't be scared, just be glad_

_Seifer is here, I'm not all that bad._

_I'll shut up now, before I'm red with tomatoes_

_Just remember, I have five tipotatoes…?_

_Sorry folks, I messed up that rhyme._

_Please Emily Dickinson, It's not that bad_ _of a crime."_

"What the hell? HEY! WE LIKE THONGS!" some random person yelled.

"Yeah!" some more random people yelled.

Lets see, so far, we've had thongs fly, shirts fly, a girl named Jennie fly, and now, watch the tomatoes fly.

Meanwhile, the dumbass kept on rhyming.

_"Holy Shit! Hey look, a tomatoe!_

_There goes another, it's now a red tornadoe._

_Ouch! That was my eye!_

_That was really mean, I'm not too bad of a guy!_

_You know how much I paid for this coat?_

_They had to iron it out, skin a goat!_

_And look-y here! Now its red!_

_Now my name is Seifer, the red-coated sped."_

He dodged fifteen more tomatoes until he finally got off the table. The fans dropped their tomatoes and attacked him.

"HEY!" a strong voice yelled out and the guy jumped up on the table.

The fans stopped what they were doing and looked to see Zell (Okay, okay, scratch that, it wasn't THAT much of a strong voice).

_"Hey I hate Seifer too_

_He smells like a shoe_

_He's mean and looks like goo_

_Buy tomatoes from me so you can tackle him too_

_You know he really sucks_

_And looks like ducks_

_And likes mucks_

_When he eats ducks"_

He moved to the rhythm of his own words. His poetry was absolutely terrible, at least in normal people's opinions. The fans liked it, but the part about not being normal explains it. They looked up at Zell and started cheering at his feet.

"YOU ROCK DUDE!"

"BOOYAA!" Zell yelled still being trailed on his back.

Selphie stomped into the cafeteria with Squall, Rinoa and Quistis.

Squall ran over to a disgruntled Seifer, trying to get the red off his long white coat.

Quistis ran over to Zell.

Selphie ran onto the table.

More people attacked Seifer and attacked Squall as well.

The people were trying to get Zell to do a strip show.

People didn't pay attention to Selphie, who once again stood on the table with her microphone.

"HI ITS SELPHIE! 

_Did you forget about me?_

_I'm really upset. It's like a broken knee._

_Here is a highlight of the person you love._

_His name is Zell, he's anything but a dove._

_He's scrawny with fake muscle._

_He wont budge in the mornings, you wont get him to hustle._

_Okay, this really mega bites, considering the fact I can't rhyme whatsoever. So, hows life? I mean, I'm just chillaxin', what about you?"_

Time stopped. Everyone's breathing slowed down, and they slowly turned their heads to Selphie.

"SELPHIE! YOU ROCK!" the same random student, who always yells comments like this, yelled.

"Yeah!" the rest of the cafeteria screamed.

Selphie was brought back to popularity.

And the familiar sound of music turned on, as Selphie started dancing on the table.

It was Milkshake, by Kelis.

_"My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard_

_And they're like, it's betta than yours_

_Damn right, it's betta than yours_

_I could teach you_

_But I have to charge._

_My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard_

_And they're like, it's betta than yours_

_Damn right, it's betta than yours_

_I could teach you_

_But I have to charge._

_La la_

_La la la_

_I want it all_

_La la_

_La la la_

_I want it all"_

Selphie jumbled her hair up with her fingers. She ripped off her dress to show a short mini leather skirt and a black shirt that tide up in the middle. It had a built in push up bra. She quickly applied dark eye shadow onto her eyes (look at a recent picture of Avril Lavign and you will know what I'm talking about) and twisted thick strands of hair together. Kicking off her tan boots, she put on high black boots whose leather tops reached her knees.

Snapping her fingers, the dull soft lights went out, and the cafeteria turned into a black light nightmare. Aside from the black lights, colorful blinking lights were mounted on the walls. Coming out of two doors, were two guys, both pushing cages. Inside the cages were girls. Experienced pole dancers, if you know what I mean.

The Balamb Garden cafeteria was now a nightclub.

And thinking back a bit, it's quite ironic how Seifer was the best poet out of Selphie and Zell, but was hated the most. These Balamb Garden people DEFINATLY have problems.

**End chapter 7**

**A/n: **WOW! I cannot believe I actually am on chapter seven. It seems like just yesterday I put chapter 1 online! Just a special thanks to my good friend Jennie. Jennie doesn't play Final Fantasy, nor does she know much about anything to do with ff8, but she still supports me with ideas. Thanks sweetie!

It's one o' clock in the morning, and I recently got home from a baseball game, where I was trampled by huge drunk guys…not a pretty sight. If you do decide to seat hop, make sure you hop to somewhere the people in front of you aren't completely smashed…it's really good thinking.

Your reviews mean SO much! Knowing people read my story and get pleasure out of it makes me so happy. I love reviews so much! They truly encourage me to go on. Thanks to all of you. In my last chapter of this story, I will include each and every one of you, no matter how long it may take. I also like to get emails, so feel free to email me about anything. Thank you all so much! More chapters to come!


	8. The ways of the thong

Chapter 8…I think I'm on chapter 8…can't remember…damn I need to stay on track!

**BrackenFae****: **You rock! Thanks for reviewing just about every chapter. That goes to all of my other reviewers, stay on track with each chapter, and feel free to review them all! ;)****

Warning: This chapter contains brief nudity. This chapter also contains the word ass an excessive amount of times. Thus I atone. 

**Chapter 8**

**Mission****: Thong**

The new style was wearing thongs over pants. Why? I have no clue, but Balamb Garden has apparently taken a turn to insanity. And, insanity's advocate was Selphie. Nobody actually knew what she did, never knew if she kept them sane with her sudden need to party, or if she just turned them over to being more insane.

-

…Anyway, as I was saying…

-

People were wearing thongs over their pants. Headmaster Cid was even rumored to be spotted with one, and for some reason nobody ever got into trouble. Not even with a strict uniform code that was not to be violated. Well, 360 students had already violated it, yet, nothing was done. Was it because Cid himself did it also, or was it because he too went insane? Well, I'll tell you one thing, if he had gone insane, I really wouldn't be surprised.

-

It was on a midsummer night, July 4th, who the hell knows what year; Balamb Garden would undergo the biggest party yet, resulting in the new style of thongs over pants. I couldn't summarize this event in less than 150 words even if I tried. So far we've had amazing parties consisting of thongs and drunk people, we've had parties with the strangest auctions, parties with endless grinding and music, and of course parties with lots and lots of…well, poetry and tomatoes.

-

Here is the touching story, dating back five minutes, of this amazing and emotional event in history.

The cafeteria was quite, except for one group of abnormals.

"And that's how a girl wears a thong," Selphie finished proudly after having just explained the ways of a thong to Squall, Zell, Irvine and Seifer. They just stared at her. "I don't know if it's possible for a guy to wear a thongs, seeing as how they have…well…" Selphie never finished that sentence. By the time she was done with it, Squall's face was a lovely shade of crimson. It even had a little bit of purple. Pretty!

Quistis took the thong and stretched it out with her hands. "Who the hell could fit in _this _thong? Looks like it came from Catherine's Plus Sizes," Quistis said, tossing the thong to Rinoa.

"Selphie and I found it outside of Cid's office," Rinoa said, trying not to laugh. "We think he might wear have an obsession…or worse…wear thongs."

"What's wrong with that!?" Zell interrupted.

They all just stared at him. For all they knew, Zell wore woman's underwear. That explained all the wedgies.

Seifer took the thong, holding it above his head. "So that goes up your ass?"

Selphie threw her hand to her mouth and stated giggling. "I wouldn't say it in such a harsh tone!"

"Yeah," Seifer began, "but doesn't it hurt? I mean, being up your ass and all, wouldn't it?"

"No! 'Course not!" Selphie said as if it was a normal thing. Seifer just shook his head unable to understand.

"Seifer, it goes up your ass in such a way it begins to give you a feeling it isn't even there," Squall said trying to clear things up.

"Up your ass…And how the hell would you know?!" Seifer stood up, backing away from Squall.

Rinoa put her hand over her face and turned away from this event.

"I uh, well, I uh," Squall stuttered.

"YOU'VE WORN A THONG!" Seifer pointed his hand to Squall accusingly.

Squall smiled and stood up on the table. "Damn right I have! And godammit, I am proud!"

They all gasped and stared at him, except Rinoa who still was turned around in embarrassment.

"_Rinoa's_ thong to be exact!"

This time, Rinoa was really ready to die. She turned even farther away from the bunch, and held both of her hands in front of her face.

"And her bra!"

_Shit._

"Dude, thanks for sharing!" some random person said to Squall, and walked off disgusted.

"Well, I _have_," he finished frankly.

"So, you've had this thing…" Seifer took the thong and tugged on it. "up your **_ass_**?"

"Hey, its no different than having boxers up your ass," Zell cut in.

"No dude, it like, isn't. This frilly thing goes up some person's ass. I mean…"

Selphie shot him a glare.

"But seriously, who could wear these things up their ass?"

Seifer was hopeless.

"It's way shoved up your ass! It would be painful! I can't even stand having boxers up my ass-"

"Girls are the only ones who can stand them, okay?!" Selphie cut Seifer off, hitting her forehead in frustration. "Okay!? And _you _could _too_ if you gave it a chance!" Selphie said, yanking the thong from Seifer.

With that, Seifer gave her a serious look. Drama was soon to unfold.

"Maybe I will…give it a chance. I just thought that maybe…maybe it would be easier. I never imagined it would be this hard. With all my friends together beside me-"

"Seifer," Squall cut in. "What the hell are you talking about? We don't need the whole Final Fantasy X speech!"

"Okay, sorry. But it goes up your-"

"Ass!" Headmadster Cid cut in. Somehow Cid just…showed up at the most random moments.

"Up your ass?' a random person joined in asking.

"Up your ass," Cid confirmed.

Then, there was a long moment of silence. They finally had it covered that thongs go up people's asses.

Cid then sat at the table, holding a few people's hands that had sat down next to him.

"I love you guys," he stated.

They all stared at him.

"I just…love you all. I am so glad I found out the way of the thong around you people. I just didn't know if I was wearing it correctly."

Seifer got up and started backing slowly away from Cid. The other students just got up quickly and ran away. Cid got a hurt expression on his face, and walked out of the cafeteria.

"Up your-"

"Ass!" three people yelled, cutting of Seifer's confirmation.

"So," Rinoa began. "What have we learned today?"

"VOLUNTEER!" came in Fuujin's loud voice. She walked up to the table and demonstrated how a thong was put on. I won't go into detail, but, I will tell you by the end of the small event that took place at that moment, a few kids attempted plucking their eyes out. Her whole demonstration consisted of her pulling down her pants and, uh, well…_demonstrating…_ for lack of a better word.

Now with that vision which I sadly put into all of your heads, just like Squall's thong experience, I am truly sorry, but I will tell you I am in hysterics at this moment, in shock at my complete stupidity.

**_To be continued:_**

Next week, we will proceed onto the party. I wrote it all out in one chapter, but it was too big, so I split it up. Sorry for the delay and sorry if it wasn't funny. Leave lots of reviews in the meantime! They all mean so much!


	9. Fangirls and bipolar disorder

Rinoa is a fangirl, interruptions, and delayed party.

**Author's notes**: I've been too lazy to look up the spelling of Fujin's name, so sorry if I have been spelling it wrong. And this chapter is a little bit more stupid than usual because I wrote it running on 2 hours of sleep, so bare with me here. There's some Final Fantasy 7 and Kingdom Hearts stuff in here, not much, but a little, so beware.

Oh yeah, and the 'big party' still is not in this chapter, it will be in a few. Sorry for those who care.

Mission Thong

Chapter 9

Squall buried his head into his hands, thinking back to when his life seemed to have turned upside down. He thought back to the dare Seifer gave him, how the dare went into Selphie's hands and went haywire, and how from that moment on, his life seemed to circle around the subject matter of thongs…if you could even call that a subject.

Fujin had just flashed everybody, traumatizing them all. But in reality, some of the men had probably enjoyed it. Although it was something not to be discussed, I think the clueless men among the bunch might have actually gotten a better idea of how thongs were worn, so there _is_ a positive side to this all!

Selphie walked over to Seifer and hooked her arms around his neck. "See, now you can finally understand!" She giggled. "And that goes for all the other men, here, also!" she yelled.

Fujin walked out of the cafeteria casually as if nothing had happened. The second she left, there was a dead silence that covered the school like a blanket, and suddenly, it erupted into applause and cheering. So they enjoyed that experience after all.

* * *

"Quisty, Rinny, I wanna do sumthin' fun tonight!" Selphie said, cutting through a huge silence. The three of them sat in Selphie's dorm room.

Rinoa thought for a moment, and then got a thoughtful look on her face. "Oh! I will check with Squall and Seifer and Irvine. We can pr-"

"No! Not just us, but you know, the kids!"

"The kids?"

"Yeah! The students!"

Quistis sat up from her chair and stared at Selphie. "Since when do you call the students the…the kids?"

Selphie thought for a moment and then giggled. "Because they've hired me as a staff member!"

With that said, Rinoa and Quistis's mouths dropped open. Selphie, an instructor? No way.

"You can't just suddenly be an instructor!" Quistis objected.

"Oh, I'm not an instructor!" Selphie giggled. "I'm a party coordinator! I throw random parties at random hours, hoping I put people in such enthrallment they shi-"

"Shit themselves!" Seifer barged in finishing for her. "You know, I almost shit myself when Fujin pulled her pants down today. Did you plan that all out?"

"No! Fujin was just being frisky I guess. Let's hope it doesn't rub off on Raijin!"

_I'm wearing a thong, ya'know? It's up my ass, ya'know?_

Selphie and Rinoa both chuckled at the thought.

"OK!" Selphie interrupted the thought. "Let's start a PAR-TAY! The biggest one yet!" She jumped up and down and clapped.

"Bigger than our first party?" Rinoa asked.

"Let's get Leonhart to get more th-"

"THONGS!" Cid interrupted Seifer, walking into Selphie's room. "Damn, I love those thongs! Could one of you get Squall to get some more for my collection?"

"We'd be happy to," Seifer replied to him, getting another evil grin. "Muahahaha-"

"HA!" Rinoa interrupted. "Why don't _you_ do it, Seifer?"

"Because I have bipolar disorder!"

They all looked at him.

"………………………………..And that has _what_ to do with this?" Quistis asked.

Seifer shrugged, and then ran into the wall knocking himself out. Squall walked in soon enough to witness this little event. He shook his head in disbelief, realizing everybody had lost it, and then quickly walked out. But before he could fully leave the room, Selphie had grabbed onto his sleeve, and pulled him back into the room. Then she slammed the door.

"Squally," Selphie began.

Squall shot her an evil look. "Damn fangirls," he muttered.

"HEY! I'm not a fangirl!" Selphie yelled back at him. "Rinoa however, she's a fangirl!"

Rinoa threw down her picture of Sephiroth and began to object. "What? I'm no fangirl!"

Just then, Sephiroth walked by the window. Her mouth dropped open, she jumped up and down, squealed, ran out of the dorm room, and a few seconds later she was outside, chasing (stalking) Sephiroth (Sephy), nearly ripping his clothes off, and squealing.

"Told you," Selphie said in a dull tone.

"She started it last week," Quistis said, referring to Rinoa. "Randomly. We're not sure what happened. I think she might be sick, though."

Squall just stared out the window in shock. "I thought Sephiroth was-"

"Dead? Yeah, so did Cloud, but there he was, fightin' in Kingdom Hearts. Cloud must'a been scared to death," Selphie told him.

They all stared out the window at Rinoa, who stood there and bounced and screamed excitedly. "COME BACK SEPHY!!!!!" she yelled repeatedly, giggling. As soon as he was out of sight, she came back into the room, tears streaming down her face.

"Rinny, what's wrong?" Selphie asked with concern.

"I'll never have him!" she sobbed.

"Just SHUT UP! SHUT UUUUP!" Squall interrupted, looking at Rinoa.

"Thank you, Leonhart!" Seifer exclaimed.

"HEY!" Selphie snapped. "Rinoa's upset. We should all be nice!"

"Like I give a shit," Seifer mumbled.

"Rinoa isn't upset!" Squall objected.

"Yeah, she's just gone insane," Seifer finished for him.

"Shut up!" they all yelled to Seifer in synchronization.

Seifer gave them all an evil look. "Screw you guys, I'm goin' home," he said, and walked out. Because of this hectic conversation, none of them spotted Rinoa making out with her new picture of Sephiroth. …Except of course, Cid. Cid sat down next to her and took out his picture of Edea in a thong, and started making out with that.

"Now Squall, go over and help Rinoa!" Selphie told him, turning to Rinoa. "Rin.." Selphie stopped dead in her tracks when she saw Rinoa and Cid. "…o…a…"

"RINOA!" Quistis objected. "What are you doing?!"

Rinoa looked up from her picture, and held it up to Quistis. "Sephiroth. Want some?"

They all ran out of the room, leaving Cid and Rinoa behind puzzled.

"I don't get it!" Rinoa pouted. "It seems normal to me! Cid, I guess we're the only normal ones." She sighed.

"Yep, guess so," Cid said as he took a purple thong from his pocket and rubbed it all over his face.

* * *

**Author's notes:** Oh mi gah! Finally posted this chapter, yaaah. Please review! Or you can just look at the story in disgust…either way, I understand. And feel free to email me…I love emails. I don't really know why…but oh mi gah I'm a nerd. You know where to find me: 


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